I’ve been sitting here at the coffee shop for the last three hours. My weekly writing block. I have a very generous husband who attempts to give me this kind of time as close to weekly as possible. We trade. He gets a half day, usually on Saturday mornings to work, and then I get a chunk either Saturday or Sunday afternoon.
It is also because he plays in an adult men’s baseball league.
Yes. There is such a thing. Not softball. But real baseball. 9 innings. Uniforms. Wood bats. Etc.
I love that he gets that time. Like, I really do. It actually is food for his soul, because the man thrives on being in team atmospheres.
However, real baseball with 9 innings, means real baseball game time lengths. Those of you with young children might be getting what I’m talking about. He is gone sometimes 3+ hours on Sundays to go play baseball.
Usually right smack across dinner and bedtime. From April through the end of October.
I, of course, recognizing the soul feeding for him, never complain and have zero expectations for equality of time away.
Not a big fat chance.
I have wanted to be magnanimous and sacrificial about it, but truth be told we had to find a way to keep me from going feral and embittered.
Luckily, Bret is kind and just and loves me.
So he lets me go write and get my “block”.
Which leads me back to sitting in the coffee shop spending 2 hours editing and tweaking an epic post about skincare, that I have been working on for ages…instead of writing.
If you read my post on what I learned this summer, you read how creative muscles atrophy when they go unused. I continue to be proof of this. But I’m determined to stretch them today.
I think I’m headed towards a little musing, or confession of sorts. You see, I also have “perfect expectation fatigue.” Since I just made that up, let me explain.
I love to create and make and write and learn and produce. However, I often get frozen in the production phase of creative endeavors. Since starting Made Frank, I’ve worked incredibly hard to overcome this by just being brave and stepping out. Just doing it. It’s been amazing and beautiful and emboldening. And effective.
Effective at keeping me moving forward. Trying things. Being brave again.
But when I’m not consciously taking steps to do those things, I find myself slipping into patterns where my perfect expectations exhaust me. Make sense? Can you relate?
Do you have lists of amazing ideas you never quite built up the courage to start? Or maybe you started them and then lost steam? I bet you do.
I certainly do.
I also think this is not limited to creative or entrepreneurial pursuits. I think this is unlimited to life.
I think this is because it’s not actually fatigue. It is fear.
I’m afraid I won’t finish something I start. So I don’t start.
I’m afraid it won’t be perfect. So I stop.
I’m afraid people won’t like it. Or get it. So I’m afraid to share it.
I’m afraid I don’t know enough. So I don’t speak up.
I’m afraid of being rejected by people I love, or respect, or barely even know. So I withdraw.
I’m afraid of not being enough for my family. So I live in a place of guilt and shame.
I’m afraid of failure. So I don’t trust God do His work regardless of my own inability.
As usual, the list could go on.
The further I step into adulthood, the more I realize how many decisions get driven by our fears or our fatigue. We say that we know we can’t be perfect, yet our minds judge us like we deep down believe we should be.
But today I want to just embrace and squeeze tight the truth that I’m not perfect, I never will be. That God is perfect, he always will be. And sometimes, just doing the thing is enough.
I’ll never forget this funny moment between my husband and my mom. We were back in my hometown in Texas, remodeling and redoing a restaurant and store that I had just taken ownership of.
Bret had one responsibility in the beginning stages, covering the huge front windows of the old general store building with brown paper. We were trying to create more of an impact with a surprise reveal once it was all done. Cute.
My mom asked him if he had a tape measure so he could measure the windows and then measure and cut the paper precisely to the right size. He looked at her incredulously and said, “why would I do that?”
They went back and forth for a minute and mom said, “if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.”
“Nope. Actually, some things are just worth doing.”
So today, this week, this month, this year, think on the things that fear or “perfection fatigue” has been holding you back from. For me, stretching and working these muscles out is one of those.
Ask yourself…Where am I putting such paralyzing expectations on myself, that I get frozen and stuck?
And just move. Just rip the paper about right, and tape it up.
Sometimes things are just worth doing.